To that end, I:

I've always liked social media for the ease with which I could share my thoughts or [camera] perspective with people (for I have always been an oversharer); I especially loved Livejournal for this reason. My college roommate Anna and I had a very cute and wholesome Sunday afternoon routine: we'd sit in silence in our bedroom, hunched over our computers, breathlessly recapping the events of the week in our precious LJs.

I remember when people migrated off of Livejournal to Tumblr. I remember the dismay I felt when original writing on Tumblr got replaced by the "reblog" feature. It became a place where people weren't creating; we were curating our online presences. I suppose this was part of a broader shift in Internet culture. Instead of sharing original writing or drawing or photos, we were hitting "reblog". Yes, of course we are a collection of our influences. But it felt intellectually lazy for me to participate in it. And then… I would start seeing stuff from people I didn't know in my feed. My feed became unrecognizable to me.

I open Instagram with the intention of seeing what my friends are up to, then snap out of a 45-minute trance (ok, who am I kidding - a 3-hour trance) feeling like my life won't be complete unless I own this pair of performance joggers or that adorable pastel-colored pan—you know which one I'm talking about… the one that I've found at Goodwill multiple times.

And, ever since being on TV, social media has become even stranger landscape for several reasons.

First, all I see in my Search page is content from Survivor content creators. I don't need or want to see pictures from that chapter of my life any more. It irks me! I want to get away from it! I have to constantly flag stuff as "Not interested".

Secondly, the parasocial. People who have seen me on TV think they know me. To a degree, they do. But I've been filtered through the handiwork of editors and soundbites from my castmates. I thought I could use my social media to have people get to know the REAL me, but will anyone ever? I've had to do so much filtering and self censoring. It feels disingenuous! I hate feeling like a poser!

Thirdly, it doesn't help that I got myself a blue check. I signed up initially for the novelty and as recompense for my troubles. But now I feel like I'm supposed to be a brand! I feel like I'm supposed to be selling stuff to people, otherwise I'm not really using my blue check to its fullest.

Finally, I don't feel comfortable posting the kinds of stuff I used to post before because now I have to consider "How would Anna feel if I posted pics of her kids?" "Will my sisters be OK if I post them?" It doesn't feel like my space any more.

Honestly, I'd use Instagram if it worked exactly the way Livejournal did: displaying only content from the people I followed, in the order in which it was posted. I would even pay $10 a month for it. It's so disorienting to see stuff someone posted last month interspersed with autoplaying reels selling stuff I never asked for, although I will admit that my favorite genre of uninvited Instagram reels is: beginner gymnasts over 30.

The bottom line is that I don't want to have my attention commoditized. I no longer wish to careen from thinly veiled commercial to thinly veiled commercial. And I don't want to participate in making thinly veiled commercials either.

I don't want my precious time to be hoovered up inside these apps, and I don't want yours to be hoovered up either!!!!